AUG
8
2006

hmmm

I have been feeling down for the last few days since saturday to be more exacts.
First I got a fun call from a friend about his new project and once again he take me for granted, the problem is I have a really strong gut feeling against this project, I don't know what it
is but something feels wrong about it ... anyway it's probably only my imagination ...

Second, Saturday I got an email from my ex-wife and she was saying a lot of nice things about,
well not only a lot but really too much, so I was not even past half the email that I was thinking
"ok what she want?" ... She definitly wanted something, and this something is not something that please me, she want us to try again ... Why now? Why 6.5 years after I dumped her and got the divorce?? Anyway I simply reply her that it was out of question (this is the short story ... the real one was the 1000000000 of emails that followed, something that reminded me of our relation :( the constant nagging until I finish to agree with her, not because I wanted just because I wanted to have the fucking peace)

I must admit that the years since I ditched her, weren't extraordinary great, they were bareable, but they were definitly an improvement over the walk in hell that was my marriage... Those events make me think about my life so far, and it was probably because I was allready in a bad mood but I found nothing in it to make me proud of myself ... ok I managed to get my B ScA. in computer Engineering, I wrote a small os and a filesystem while being at university ... if those are nice accomplishment why I can't feel proud of them?

Finaly something else happened, and I'm still wondering why I feel bad about it, someone, who I must admit that I'm definitly not insensible to her charm, come back in my life. I know, well I think I know, from some sources and weird coincidence that I might have some chances, so it's seems it's something positive but why I feel down??

Probably because I'm shy and scared. Scared of what? being rejected by someone I think I care about? yes definitly ... anyway time to try to do something productive ... maybe I will feel better after ... I'm so tired of this feeling of emptyness

Comments

I say give your self a chance, people like you and me like to be alone most of the time because it makes us feel comfortables but that is just the half of the happyness we can get, and some times we must take the risk to seek for the other half.


By rams at Tue, 08/08/2006 - 15:53

I'm still not sure I'm really happy when I'm alone ...
anyway currently I'm thinking about getting a lobotomy,
to be able just for once to think about absolutely nothing ...
that would be great and probably relaxing :D


By Mathieu Chouinard at Tue, 08/08/2006 - 17:10