What's the point of all of this ...

For the past few months (or should I say years) I'm trying to get rid of this
feeling that I'm born in the wrong era or maybe aeon and in the current
society I'm more than worthless ... it's hard and since this morning
I'm asking myself why bother trying to improve myself and feel better
if nobody care about me anyway (ok it's not quite true it seems there is at least
one living being that care about me ... only because I feed him and clean his litter box ...
so basicly he's doing like everybody else he uses me ...) and something that really piss me off
is some people take me for granted for their development projects even when I'm not sure about the
viability of it ... this is really helping me to feel better about myself

So this morning I really contemplated the "Cliff solution {TM]" but since I'm a
failure I didn't did it ... hey I'm not that crazy I don't want to add this failure to the rest
I also thought of going elsewhere but in the end I will only be running from myself and it's kind of hard to do

so I will simply stay and wait that those feelings go away for a short period of time and came back to kick me with greater force next time ...


I am not sure if you are religious or not. If you were, you probably wouldn't be depressed about being "alone, unwanted" as there is always your favorite imaginary friend leading you to that good place.

If you don't have an "imaginary friend" you ARE pretty much left to your own devices. In the long term - it is YOUR responsibility to have people around who want you around. They include husband / wife, kids (but they'll use you too, pretty much like cats), parents, relatives, friends - who just enjoy you cause you add "something" to their world and make it more enjoyable.

In short, (get a haircut and) (pro)actively maintain real human relationships to achieve emotional interdependence. Being human - is very hard work.

Good luck.

By suslikreal at Thu, 06/01/2006 - 16:33

Even those of us that believe in an "imaginary friend" have times where we question our worthiness. We were built that way -- it's normal.

But don't let life pass you by feeling worthless. Find *something* that's important to you and make the most of it while you can. Don't write off going elsewhere because it seems like running away. You might find a fresh environment will spark cool new things.

Also, suslikreal's final remark is good advice (haircut optional).

Thanks, BTW, for your KDE contributions! KDE rocks! :-)

By rb at Thu, 06/01/2006 - 17:41

Well, well, well... You are at the beginning of a long quest. The quest of the meaning of your life. Or maybe even the meaning of life. It is difficult to say something relevant here. I would need a clearer picture of the problems you face. A more interactive discussion would help.

What I can advise you is to think about the fact that there may be no such thing as a free action (like in "free as in beer"). Everyone has a motive (feeling good by taking care of someone else being a motive). So it is not just you, but everyone.

You might then want to look at the inner workings of human mind. You could look for a good psychotherapist, (s)he may help you a lot to clarify your thoughts, which is probably the only thing you need. You could also take a look at quantum physics. There are puzzling hints about the meaning of life and free will in it.

My 2 ¢

By qdm at Thu, 06/01/2006 - 17:49

quantum physics says:
* there is free will
* thre are true random events ("god is playing dice")
* the future/past can *not* be changed. once something happend, it happend. but free will leaded to it. (thre is no grandfather paradoxon)

sounds a bit contradicting, but hey, mathematic itself is contradicting (gödel).

By Mathias Panzenböck at Thu, 06/01/2006 - 18:49

Quantum physics doesn't say any of those things. There are a lot of things that are not understood about the details of QM which has led to a number of different "interpretations" of quantum mechanics, but even those that most strongly promote those interpretations would not say that QM shows those to be true -- it just leaves some interesting questions open.

By Scott Wheeler at Thu, 06/01/2006 - 19:57

Know your limits, do not think of yourself as a giant supertruck that can carry enormous loads for extensive periods of time, and which can be used, and abused, and still feel good. Relax, do something which is fun. Free yourself, and your life from parasites!
And don't wait for feelings to change, force yourself to do something good, fun, useful, and you will feel better.
As one smart person said, "You can't feel yourself into better behavior, but you can behave yourself into better feelings".

By iip at Thu, 06/01/2006 - 19:12

Well.. You're not the only person who periodically faces these moments of sadness and depression.. My suggestion is "give love to people and you'll receive it back extraordinarily amplified". Yes, seems strange, but it worked for me from time to time. I suppose it's some sort of law of the universe.

Good luck!

By Dario Massarin at Thu, 06/01/2006 - 22:28

run a couple of miles as fast as you can. then take a really long shower. then make your self a cup of hot chocolate (WITH MARSHMELLOWS!!!) sit and read the news paper and become angry at the world and the stupid humans that live in it. then go jump of a cliff thinkin that you're better than all the idiots that run this place. :)

By tim.thelion at Thu, 06/01/2006 - 23:51

run a couple of miles as fast as you can. then take a really long shower. then make your self a cup of hot chocolate (WITH MARSHMELLOWS!!!) sit and read the news paper and become angry at the world and the stupid humans that live in it. then go jump of a cliff thinkin that you're better than all the idiots that run this place. :)

By tim.thelion at Thu, 06/01/2006 - 23:51

not sure what you mean by "the Cliff solution" (a reference to either Cliff Burton, or lemmings?), but anyway, it sounds pretty suicidal to me.

I must say, I do understand what you mean about being in the wrong era. Personally, even though I am a web developer by trade, and have no other marketable skills that I am aware of, I would much prefer to have been born a blacksmith in an earlier age. Or a member of Robin Hood's team of rowdy rioters.

In every book I read regarding medieval times, life seemed so much easier.

Of course, that's ignoring the hardships of serfdom, plague, etc, but anyway, I digress...

I have considered suicide in the past, and am covered in scars which document my various failures to shift this mortal coil. I am past that "phase" in my life, though.

The way I got past it was to shift my philosophy. To regard yourself as worthless is to place too much emphasis on yourself. Instead, you might change your point of view to one of an observer.

Life is sometimes interesting, and to exit it at a nadir is to potentially lose out on some very interesting events which might happen at a later point.

Basically, I'm saying that if life seems pointless at the moment, then try to think of it like this: there is no reason to live, but there is also no reason to die. There is no need to rush into dying - life will eventually cause it anyway. You may as well live.

I won't recommend looking into psychiatry, but I might recommend asking your doctor to recommend a mild anti-depressant. I've been on Efexor for over a year. It doesn't cause an obvious happy feeling, but it does moderate my mood shifts, allowing me to at least analyse what I'm feeling, before the feelings take over my behaviour.

Good luck figuring things out. It's a long and rocky road, which either ends in a ditch, or in a very pretty meadow with all sorts of interesting flowers and crap.


By kae at Fri, 06/02/2006 - 06:56